Dear Sister:

Recently, my boyfriend of six years said he would consider a job opportunity his parents offered him after moving to central Georgia, but we’ve known our whole lives to be in Chicago. The financial benefit would be pretty great for our future together, but I’ve never lived far from my family and friends, along with wanting to keep my stable career. I know nothing’s set in stone, but how do I try to convince him that this is a bad decision?

Signed,

Chicago Sister Trying to Adult


Dear Chicago Sister Trying to Adult:

It would be a pretty difficult decision to make even if you were on your own, but consider that you are only a part of this relationship. What are his reasons behind taking a position? Is it being closer to his family, strictly financial, or something else? It’s a good idea to really discuss the details of such a major life-changing event such as a cross country move. Lay your feelings out on the table while at the same time carefully considering his.

Next, try to establish a list of pros and cons; if this is truly a decision about your future lives together, then this list must be developed by both of you. Even creating the lists separately then bringing them together to compare is a great way to determine what is most important about the decision. Some questions to get you started about the thought process include:

  • Do you feel being close to your family, friends is important?
  • What is the likelihood that you will find a similar or better position than the one in Chicago?
  • Can you afford the move now or will you need to save some money prior to the move?
  • Is a long distance relationship an option?
  • Are there other factors that determine the strongly resonate with each person?

After having a serious discussion about these types of concerns, come to terms with what is most important for your relationship, even if it means not having the relationship at all. Major decisions like these can truly determine the strength and importance of a relationship, whether the financial gain is too strong to ignore or the deep emotional connection is too hard to resist. You can find yourself in a very difficult place, but with a discussion like this, it helps to truly open lines of communication for both parties; you may find that your love is stronger than you realize or you may find it was not something one was not willing to sacrifice for. However, you would make the decision together and that is a step in the right direction.

IES,

Sister Sumitra

 

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